Friday, January 17, 2014

Day 17 | Excess Baggage

Prompt: What 'excess baggage' are you carrying around? Create a list of all the negative things you would like to drop off at lost property. Such as a regret, a negative self-belief, a grudge or a past event etc. Tell me how releasing them would make you feel.

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Annetta | Back in 2006 I was robbed of being an auntie to two amazing young boys who were only 3 & 5 at the time of their death. They were murdered along with their mother & aunt while my brother was away at war protecting our country. The neighbor walked through their back door, which was left unlocked. Before this I was a person who had no fears really. Now I battle with many fears after their shocking death. So many terrifying things go through my mind every night. I have to choose to stop them & thank God for His protection. I was robbed of my security & its no longer something that happened to other people, but it happened to my family & myself. It's something I carry  with me always, but I want to let it go!

 Stephanie | My 2 biggest pieces of baggage. These are the ones that have made the greatest impact on my life and the hardest ones to let go of, so much pain that haunts me still. 1.) My biological father left when I was about 2 yrs old. The reason behind him leaving is still unclear to me and I may never know the real honest answer. Ive always felt an emptiness inside, never felt complete, who I am or where I come from. My mom tells me that we was happy and excited to have me, but then he just left. I guess around my 2nd birthday I went to visit him in CA for a while, but when it came time for me to return home he refused to let me go. His girlfriend at the time flew me back home to WA. Shortly after that he signed his rights away so I could be adopted by my step dad. Ive always felt like something was wrong with me. I'm not worthy of love, damaged and unwanted. If my own father couldn't love me, why would anyone else? Ive never really gotten close with anyone I dated because eventually they would leave me to. I never understood why I wasn't good enough for him. How can you just walk away from your own child? Ive learned that he did go on to have more children and is involved in their lives, they are not much younger that I am. Why wasn't I worth it? When I turned 18 he could have tried to find me, but he hasn't. I was just a mistake he made at 19. 2.) At age 11, my brother and I witnessed my step dad beat our mom resulting in a divorce. We were then on a scheduled visitation with him. Shortly after these visits started things became very uncomfortable. After his showers he wouldn't dress himself right away. He would cover himself with just a towel, which would always fall off exposing himself. One night while I was sleeping I woke up to him hovering over me and he had undone my bra. A video camera was set up under the bathroom sink. I always check bathrooms for cameras now. One time I was trying to take a shower when I look over and see him peaking in through the wall. He had removed the outlet cover in the hallway that connects to the bathroom. He was watching me undress. He also walked into the bathroom during my shower and pulled back the shower curtain, staring at me. After he put his hands down my pants, I refused to go back to his house. I never told anyone about the abuse for several years. I didn't want to try to convince people this actually happened, I didn't think anyone would believe me, I was just a kid. I do regret not saying anything sooner. A little while later he went to jail for molesting another young girl. If I had said something earlier, I could have prevented her from the same abuse. I still (20 years later) have nightmares about him touching me. I wake up in a panic, his face fresh in my memory. How I wish to never have that nightmare again. Both of these pieces of baggage has made me feel that I wasn't worth loving, I am only good for sex. No one would ever stick around and love me for me, they just want to use me for their own pleasure. :Like I have no other value in this world.


  1. Oh my God! I am deeply touched with both stories :-( So sorry for your loss, Annetta! I have no words for Stephanie's story. I'm crying. Poor little girl :-(

  2. 1st i thanks to you for sharing your great story. And I really like your writing style. Cheap international shipping -


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